Whilst collating photographic work for my installation New Skin – Exploring Motherhood I felt compelled to document every aspect of my experiences. I went through two miscarriages in between two successful pregnancies which led to the births of my son in 2014 and then my daughter at the very end of 2016.
Miscarriage. We know the word. We know what it means. Vocalising and visualising my experiences was a challenge yet something I felt cathartically I had to do. During my BPF16 exhibition at Brighton’s Regency Town House I devoted a dimly lit, somewhat neglected room to experiment with exhibiting my images and words about my experience of miscarriage.
Above are the images – installation shots as well as the photos themselves. Here are my words;
Joy was replaced by dull grey lifeless despair
I carried it everywhere for three weeks
Dragging perpetual suffocating sadness
through daily life
Internal, private grief
Death was not an ending
death is the beginning of grief
When the day came
Weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds of loss
Then it happened
a traumatic exit
wave after wailing wave
My body consumed in its task
Until it was finally done.
Gently I unthawed
The future distant, behind dirty glass
Yet it was there
And life was happening in it